Choosing appropriate role models
Many years ago when I was a young graduate student at Stanford, I had the opportunity to work for Ty Cobb — the Hall of Fame player — who, at the time of his retirement in 1928, held 90 MLB (Main League Baseball) records, some of which still stand to this day. But to my great disappointment this once legendary player was a bitter, lonely old man whose offensive behaviour on and off the field had alienated an array of people. He had wealth and fame but no family or friends to share it with. That’s why, if one of my children had ever said to me, "You know, Dad, when I grow up I want to be like Ty Cobb," my first response would have been, "Are you crazy?"
Many parents today find themselves in similar situations as they hear their children profess admiration for professional sports icons whose conduct is less than exemplary. In these days of global television and media hype when professional agents train greedy and selfish sportspersons who are into drugs, tax evasion and riotous behaviour to project themselves as youth icons, it’s important and prudent to advise and help your children choose appropriate role models as the mirror in which they fashion themselves. There-fore what can you do to help your children choose exemplary sports role models?
You could start with helping your children understand the difference between heroes and role models. The most common type of a hero is someone who, as one college professor put it, "overcomes his human frailties to face a particular crisis or do what has to be done for a given moment in time." Thus, a baseball player who shakes off being beaned by a wild pitch and goes on to hit a game-winning home run could be classified as a hero, even if he is facing charges of tax evasion. A role model, however, is someone who tends to have an ongoing, positive influence on people — such as a teacher who always makes time to help kids after school.
Secondly you must understand why your children look up to certain athletes. While you may be focused on an athlete’s negative traits, all your child sees is a person who never fails to rise to the occasion for his or her team, even when sick or injured. This type of people are inspirational, and all of us need to have that kind of inspiration in our lives. Your child’s friends will also have a large impact on the type of athletes she looks up to – and for what reason. Be aware of the ‘in thing’ in your child’s social group and show sensitivity in your responses.
Thirdly, acknowledge that it is human to sometimes admire negative characteristics in people. Children — especially those who feel they are being constantly judged — have a tendency to admire sportstars who don’t seem to care what people think about them.
Fourth, help your children specify the admirable characteristics of different athletes and why they admire these traits. Hopefully, you will be able to make the point along the way that great athletic ability doesn’t qualify a person to become a role model in all aspects of life. As you help your children, make the distinction between athletic ability and personal behaviour, let them know it is okay to admire the way a person plays but not necessarily the way he behaves.
Share thoughts about people you admire with your kids. Hopefully you will be able to conjure up the names of some well-known athletes who were/are your role models because of the way they conduct themselves publicly. Talk about sportspeople whom you admired as a kid and how some of the great sports heroes you worshipped turned out to be poor role models. Hopefully, your child will start appreciating the difference between the two once she knows that you made similar mistakes when you were her age.
Lastly try to become a sports role model for your children. That doesn’t mean you need to play a game well — or play it at all. It means being respectful of umpires and opposition players, coaches and fans. It means being supportive of your child’s coach and teammates (and your child, of course!). It means being a student of the game and always trying to improve your knowledge. It also means apologising when you make mistakes or when your conduct has been less than exemplary, and vowing to do better.The reality is that impressionable children will continue to look up to athletes and pattern themselves after their sports heroes. It’s part and parcel of the process of growing up. Indeed it’s important that children have role models to inspire them to improve on-field performance and off-field behaviour. In every sport or field of human endeavour there are heroes and exemplary individuals whose conduct while playing, winning or losing could prove inspirational for growing children.
Given this inevitability, child/youth adulation of sports heroes is an opportunity to help your children learn how to intelligently identify the qualities they admire in sports figures and make informed choices when it comes to choosing heroes, role models and leaders.
(Dr. George Selleck is a California-based sports psychologist and advisor to Sportz Village, Bangalore)